Social anxiety is a common problem reported by my clients. I went through it myself when I was an English professor, in my case fearing that I would sound dumb compared to all the brilliant minds around me. But all that was dumb about me was the belief that I needed to prove myself to all the people who I imagined must be evaluating my intelligence or wit.
So I used to think, I'm terrible at socializing.
Those who study such things tell us that people remember very little about the specifics of what we say to them, and mostly remember instead how we make them feel. People like us when we make them feel good about themselves. And all we need to do to make a person feel good about him- or herself is to take an interest in them. That's it. That's the whole secret to being a good socializer.
You might relate to someone you've just met, or are somewhat acquainted with, by asking her to tell you a bit about her profession or business, by paying him a genuine compliment, or by soliciting advice.
This way, the conversation is off the ground, and as long as you don't get lost in your own ego as things proceed, you'll be remembered fondly.
Then, with confidence, you can tell yourself, I'm a great socializer.
You're reading the Bad Thoughts Blog, which maintains that feeling good is as simple as thinking a better thought. I'm Debbie Covino, hypnotherapist, coach, and creator of the Master Your Own Mind self-hypnosis program, available at www.hypnotic-wellbeing.com/store
Click here to get your free Memory Spa Audio: www.hypnotic-wellbeing.com
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